April 16, 2003

French Bicycle Symbolically Run Over by American Monster Truck

[I'll begin with a re-post of my first stab at Internet publishing, written Day X(March 20th), about an hour after this happened. Things only get worse from here.]

In a symbolic(and literal) victory of US aggression over European pleas for peace and progressive policy, a 1970's-era orange Peugeot road bike was run over by silver, king-cab, long-bed monster truck Ford F-350(license#ZEH364) at the intersection of Grand Avenue and SE Belmont as part of a pro-peace Critical Mass ride.

Several riders attempted to halt the driver in order to make the roads safer for cyclists and all other traffic, but the driver dismissed them as a "spineless debating club". More cyclists gathered in front of the vehicle as he inched his way forward with no regard for the 200+ riders with whom he shared the road.
"We must confront cyclists, pedestrians, and fuel-efficient cars with resolve," shouted the motorist from his perch ten feet above the roadway. "By backing down, we only play into the hands of cyclo-terrorists, maniacal bus riders, and un-patriotic drivers of Japanese hybrids. Evil shall not triumph."

Cyclists tried to reason with the motorist, but the diplomatic voices were drowned out by the revving of his ten-cylinder diesel engine. With a final push on the gas pedal before shifting into gear, the driver had delivered his ultimatum to the cyclists.

"We must rid the roads of these vehicles-of-less-consumption once and for all so that streets will again be safe for drivers of large American cars. By acting now, we are ushering in a new era where Ford and General Motors prevail, so that all citizens of the world can enjoy the privilege of increased horsepower and an elevated roadway status."

With these words, the motorist made good on his promises and pushed forward with his plans. As cyclists, pedestrians, motorists, and police watched with horror, the truck rolled forward, and the bicycle met its death beneath the wheels of the Ford, the owner of the bike narrowly escaping a similar fate.

(see the photo here.)

Posted by DV at April 16, 2003 01:21 AM

go, david! it's your birthday!
'cept it isn't!
or it would be
my birthday
as well, hey
blog on! with your bad self!
while i sit here
on my kiester
uh-huh (m m) uh-huh.

Posted by: kt at April 16, 2003 08:36 PM